Wasted Time

They say moving on is about feeling indifferent,

But all I feel is resentment,

Even worse, I regret you,

and all the time you used,

I know this feeling does nothing for me,

An ounce of my time shouldn't be wasted on this feeling,

But I sit here, trying to not waste my mind on the likes of you,

Knowing very well there is nothing left to do,

I try to remind myself that there was a reason,

To how our relationship lasted a year of seasons,

That there was adventure,

And laughter,

That added justification before this formed after,

But I just land on the same energy,

The last year was wasted on our memories,

I do not desire to feel any contempt for you,

I wouldn't even go back if I had the right to choose,

I just wish I would have listened to my instinct the moment I knew,

You were trouble,

And never in a good way,

Why did I let you convince me to ever stay,

Well, that was until you didn't need me anymore,

Then you were happy to walk out that door,

I should have never let myself care about you,

Told myself your character was only ever bruised,

I knew better,

At least I thought I did,

I let myself pretend,

Because I was lonely,

And was happy just to have someone to hold me,

All of this was really of my own making,

Choices that led me to this undertaking,

I wish I didn't see us as a mark against my record,

I wish I saw the project of us as something better,

But you took ahold of the eraser,

To fill your absent heart with her,

Instead of valuing the relationship I spent months getting you though,

Just for you to devalue everything I meant to you,

I don't know why I still hold onto this resentment,

I wish I was at the stage of indifference,

But I do hope you are happy,

As much as your broken self can be,

And I hope one day I can believe,

You weren't considered wasted time spent to me.