Untitled

he holds a part of me, and it is miles and miles away (just like he is)

it only shows when i'm alone

it shows when i'm lying alone in bed, arms wrapped around myself,

as if i'm holding my bones together

it shows when i'm curled up on the bathroom floor for hours, staring at the ceiling, going over the last few words he said to me

but it is always there

even when i am surrounded by people, even if i am laughing and smiling

i can feel the absence of his love, which i never even had

my eyes well up in even the happiest of songs because they

bring with them the memories of us, hand in hand, sharing

headphones on a cramped tram or bus, giggling and telling stories about our childhoods.

now i'm going all these places on my own, and i'll think about him kissing me, and how he's now kissing her instead

and i'm biting my fingernails down so far they bleed for hours

and i wonder what it's like to hold the hand of someone who loves you just as much as you love them

and i'm wondering when i will be able to go to the places i went with him and not feel like my chest is caving in

he made me feel like i'd never been lonely before

"i never lied to you" that's a lie in itself.