Ungrateful

For anyone interested: the audio, read by me, can be found on my TikTok page. https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZP87b4STT/

Living was not my choice

But I guess I should be grateful

Yet words and actions from loved ones

Seemed hateful but maybe it’s all in my head

And instead I should praise and worship

The ground my parents walk on

But my father is gone

Not dead, but not here

So how can I hold a man dear

Who I don’t know

And I’m supposed to owe him something?

Then there’s mother

who treated me as an other

Even in our own home

We were left alone to roam

And I didn’t know when or if

She would be back

She said we were bad

But maybe that was because of a

Lack of affection, attention, protection

But we were blamed for

Lacking direction that was

Not taught to us

We would land on our hands and knees

Begging mom not leave

As tears streamed down our faces

And she calmly laces her shoes and

Slams the door behind her

So I would have to stir up the courage

to wipe those tears and try to quiet

Their fears for her

While wondering if she would

Really come back home

But you know, it could be worse

I could be dead

And yet what I dread most

Is the memories of broken promises

And lies disguised as love

I would look up and pray

that she would change

But to this day she’s…the same

So, no I don’t look up to her

One of my worst fears

is becoming like her

And I’m tired of pretending

It’s neverending these family cycles

And no, it’s not a lack of love

But a look back at facts

As far as I can remember

So, I will be unashamed

When I say

I’m ungrateful