Unconventional

I could tell you about my eyes,
the color of my hair,
the shape of my smile,
or the clothes I choose to wear.

But none of those things
define what makes me beautiful.

It isn't something
you'll find in a photograph,
something I can dress up
or paint over,
or something a mirror
could ever reflect.

It's in the way I love.

I love loudly,
even when I speak softly.

In small gestures,
in remembering the little things,
in words spoken
and those left unsaid.

Through frustration,
through exhaustion,
through days when I have
very little left to give.

And sometimes,
I love so fiercely
that I forget
I deserve some of that love, too.

I love the living,
the dying,
and those who have already left.

I carry their voices,
their laughter,
the smallest pieces of them
that time has not yet taken.

Through photographs,
through familiar songs,
through birthdays
they will never celebrate.

I love them in the present tense,
even though the world
insists on speaking of them
in the past.

And I suspect
I always will.

I love the broken,
the forgotten,
the ones who sit quietly
at the edges of the room.

I know what it feels like
to be on the outside,
looking through a window
at a world
that seems to have a place
for everyone else.

Perhaps that's why
I always want
to make space for one more.

I want people to know
that they matter,
that someone noticed
when they walked into the room,
and would notice
if they were gone.

My love isn't always pretty.

Sometimes it's stubborn.
Sometimes it's angry.
Sometimes it asks questions
that have no answers.

I've loved people
I couldn't understand,
people who hurt me,
and people who never
loved me back.

I've held on too long,
reached out too often,
and waited for apologies
that never came.

I'm still learning
that loving someone
doesn't mean
I have to let them hurt me.

That I can wish them well
from a distance.

That sometimes
the kindest thing
I can do for both of us
is let go.

I love the vulnerable,
the innocent,
the creatures who cannot tell me
where it hurts.

Old souls in tired bodies,
tiny hands
wrapped around my fingers,
and the quiet trust
of someone falling asleep
because they know
I am there.

I love watching people grow,
even when growing
means growing away from me.

I love the people
my children are becoming,
and the little versions of them
I can only visit
in my memory.

I love through mistakes.

I've said the wrong things,
lost my patience,
failed to listen,
and let my own fears
get in the way.

But I return.

I apologize.
I try to understand.
I try to do better.

Because love
isn't the absence
of human failure.

Sometimes,
it's what brings us back
to make things right.

I love the beauty in darkness,
the sadness in a song,
the stories hiding
behind ordinary faces.

I love words
that make strangers feel
a little less alone.

The unexpected kindness
of someone I've never met,
the courage it takes
to share a piece of yourself,
and the invisible threads
that connect us
across impossible distances.

I won't pretend
that loving comes without cost.

My heart has been broken
in more ways
than I know how to count.

But I don't want
a smaller heart.

I don't want
to become indifferent
just because caring hurts.

I don't want
to stop noticing,
stop reaching,
stop believing
there is goodness
worth finding in others.

I would rather
have a heart that breaks
than one that never opens.

So when you ask me
what makes me beautiful,
I won't turn toward the mirror.

I won't ask you
to overlook my flaws,
or pretend
that I have none.

I'll tell you
about the people I love.

The ones who are still here,
the ones I've lost,
and the ones
I've yet to meet.

I'll tell you
about the kindness I try to offer,
and the love
I haven't run out of
despite everything.

And if you still
cannot see my beauty,

that's all right.

Some things
were never meant
to be judged
beneath a spotlight.

Some things
are only beautiful
when they're given away.

Written for Sasha Desideri’s A Very Vocal Beauty Pageant — Unofficial Challenge:

Thank you, Sasha, for encouraging us to look beyond the mirror and celebrate the beauty that makes each of us unique!