Uncontrolled Control

Uncontrolled Control

I tried controlling everything,
The future and the past,
I held tomorrow tightly,
And thought that it would last.

I organised my feelings,
Put sadness in a box,
I locked away my anger
Behind a dozen locks.

I told my heart be quiet,
I told my tears behave,
I buried every memory
Inside a shallow grave.

But feelings hate instructions,
They don’t obey a plan,
They creep beneath the doorway
And catch you when they can.

My thoughts became like colours,
All melting into one,
The things I’d kept imprisoned
Had finally begun.

My careful little boxes
Were bursting at the seams,
Yesterday met tomorrow
And danced inside my dreams.

I tried to stop the madness,
But madness answered back,
It painted pink on purple
And threw away the black.

Then somewhere in the chaos
I finally understood,
Control had never saved me,
It never really could.

I hid away the hurting,
And smiled through it all,
Pretending I was standing
While quietly I would fall.

So now I let life wander,
Not everything needs control,
Sometimes a little madness
Puts order in the soul. ❤️