Twisted Proverbs

The early bird catches the worm... I'll just have coffee, thanks.

It's better to give than to receive... so whattya got for me?

A watched pot never boils... but gets great ratings on the Food Channel.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder... so I'd like to start right away.

Ask me no questions... and I'm sure to be elected.

Great minds think alike... so tell me, what's for lunch?

A rolling stone gathers no moss... so how do you explain Keith Richards?

Don't judge a book by its cover... see if it's free on Kindle first.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step... unfortunately my dog got there first.

Walk a mile in my shoes... and you can keep 'em, thank you.

Talk is cheap... until you get roped into a mobile phone contract.

Let the chips fall where they may... unless you're in a barn.

Don't bite the hand that feeds you... unless they're wearing chocolate gloves.

You can't teach an old dog new tricks... so stop trying to get me to fetch!

An apple a day keeps the doctor away... garlic works for everybody else.

Health is better than wealth... Feeling better? That'll be a hundred bucks.

Honey catches more flies than vinegar... either way don't expect to be invited to brunch.

Learn to walk before you run... unless you're trying to catch a bus.

Accidents will happen... so always carry a camera phone.

And finally:

God helps those who help themselves... that's why I always carry a fork.

© Tom Rose. All Rights Reserved.