Trusting Your Inner Compass

Dear Daughter,

Let this serve as a reminder to you as you move through this life. You will have days when you desperately want to fit in. When all that matters is to have friends you can relate to, that you can walk through the halls of the high school with - either unnoticed, or noticed for all the right reasons. You'll have days where you'll wonder if fitting in is all that it's cracked up to be. You'll ask yourself, is this me?

You'll question yourself on most decisions you make, you'll procrastinate. You'll call me crying from University because you just don't know how to cope with it all, the weight of adulthood looming in your peripheral. You'll come home on weekends and holidays, and you'll curl up the way you used to when you were small and I took care of everything for you. You'll remember, this is me.

You'll have sloppy late nights at bars with cliched names, you'll meet boys you think are perfect for you, and you'll swoon over them until the next one catches your eye. You'll go to interview after interview and shed tears when you receive the rejection calls. The job you didn't even know you wanted lands in your lap, and you'll cry because it's too scary to commit. Life seemed easier when you were chasing a dream, no one tells you how scary it is when you've caught one. You'll try to picture yourself in that role, in that environment, spending the bulk of your days in that place, and you'll ask yourself, is this me?

You'll have days when you eat in your car on your lunch break because you just want some silence and time to breathe. You'll take on too much, and then you'll take on some more. And in the midst of it all you'll attend concerts, and parties, and weekends away with friends. You'll travel. You'll call me from a hotel in a far away place where there's dancing and exotic food, nature walks and ocean views, and you'll say Mom, this is me.

You'll meet the one and you'll bring him home and hope that Dad approves and that it's not too awkward. You'll call me afterwards to see how it really went. You'll have date nights, and you'll gravitate to friends who are couples and do couples things together after work. You'll spend your weekends in big box stores picking out towels and plants and combing the hardware section for specific tools for projects in your apartment. You'll arrange to bring him home for the first of many holidays that will become family and home to him too. You'll stand in a boutique on a pedestal in a white gown and you'll ask me, is this me?

You'll change jobs, and each time you'll wonder if it's the right move. You'll ask yourself if you should go back to school, if you should move to a farm, or if you should take up painting instead. You'll wade your way through adulthood, then parenthood, with me, your biggest cheer leader, by your side. You'll have hard days and beautiful days and everything in between. Somewhere in your forties you'll move into a space where you'll begin to trust your inner compass, and you'll stop questioning, you'll just know, this is me.

Love,

Mom