Trust me

My Light keeps speaking to me and repeating to me “Trust me”

But it’s hard when you don’t even trust yourself.

I don’t want to be selfish and pray for me. Because there are so many in this world who need blessings more than me.

I pray for them.

But my Light keeps reassuring me “Trust me”

And the tears well up, my heart aches, my mind screams and my knees buckle.

I want so badly to believe.

And part of me. No all of me does but it hurts still to rip away from that doubt.

To pour from my veins the blood of faith and spill it all onto the alter.

I doubt because I don’t trust myself. And if I don’t trust myself how can I trust my Light.

I feel so much strength beneath my skin that it hurts sometimes just to move.

I see how I’m blessed. How I will continue to be.

But I hesitate and think “what about those around me”

I’m selfish in wanting nothing but giving everything. Peeling off the flesh from my bones to offer as a sacrifice.

I’m selfish in wanting to pray for me but not finding the strength and begging that my enemies be spared.

Am I weak?

“Trust me”

I want so badly to fall into stronger arms. But all I feel is the warmth of my own as I wrap them around me.

“Trust me”

Who am I to deserve more than the next person. Who am I to receive This light when so many others live in the dark?

“Trust me”

I never asked for this...

“Trust me”

I’m not strong enough for this

“Trust me”

My hand hesitates to grasp on to that voice I hear inside my head. The one that fights away the bad thoughts.

The one who constantly tells me I’ll be ok. Despite my demons who suffer alongside me.

We could all use the light.

“So trust me”

Even my demons nudge me forward, closer to that voice.

I feel crazy for trusting it. For wanting so badly to believe in it. For accepting it as my own.

The glow is warm. I didn’t realize all this time I’d been so cold.

The tears fall freely but now they feel different.

“Trust me”

I can no longer feel sorry for leaving the dark for the light.

My demons are still there but we work together now with my angels. There is no Good. There is no bad. Hatred doesn’t exist.

Something feels different. And I feel new.

But this world is still suffocating. It’s closing in. I’m losing the light.

“Trust me”

It’s almost time for the bigger fight.