Trouble at the Ball

Trouble at the Ball

We were invited to a ball
Inside a grand old hall
With a chandelier above our heads
And posh folk wall to wall

Everyone who knew everyone
Had come along that night
And me in all my finery
Thought I looked quite a sight

Young Paul was there among them
And he reached out with his hand
I thought he meant to dance with me
And thought well this is grand

But he was looking past me
At a woman standing there
Who opened up her mouth to speak
And sent her teeth through the air

They landed on a poor man’s foot
And made him jump and shout
That bloody woman’s bitten me
And I can’t get the buggers out

They said she never bent down
She’s standing over there
He said then tell me whose teeth these are
And why I’ve got a pair

The woman stood embarrassed
With her hand across her face
She’d only come to meet young Paul
Now her teeth were round the place

He said when you go out next time
And want to flap your gums
Make sure you stick your teeth in first
With a pack of chewing gums

Eventually the teeth came loose
She put them in her gob
Then asked if he would fetch a drink
He said that’s not my job

Next morning he was scratching
At his foot beneath the sheet
He said I went out dancing
And came home with fungal feet

And she was in the bathroom
Feeling rather worse for wear
When suddenly she coughed so hard
Her teeth flew through the air

They landed down the toilet
Just as she pulled the chain
Her teeth went round without a sound
And weren’t seen again

So if you’re going to a ball
To meet somebody grand
Make sure your teeth are fastened in
Before you shake their hand