Trauma Brain

Re-opening old wounds

Talking about what's been bothering me

Triggers, reactionary

In the heat of the moment

Outbursts

Violent shaking

Panic attacks

Heart racing

Blocked memories

Short term

Can't tap into

Professionals inquiring

To help

To assist

re-opening

re-traumatizing

everything feels unsafe

Verbal abuse

Neglect

Violent towards the environment

Wishing it was me

Releasing tension

That your incapable of verbalizing

A week flew by

Being asked questions

Some are more understanding

Others see my anxiety

As I'm lying

Pressing

Why be in this field

If you can't meet people where they're at

Staff shouldn't be yelling at staff

At house keeping

Guard up

Navigating

Knowing clashing personalities

Authority

Disliking

Can't verbalizing

But unlike passive aggressiveness in others

Self criticize oneself

Thinking this treatment is well deserved

But no more.

Setting boundaries

Difficult

In time- in conversation-in company

But the more I do it

The stronger the boundary internally

To navigate bad treatment from others

Or invasive thoughts

Or be able to communicate

So the unreleased tension

Isn't exerted on myself or others

Trauma brain

It's like navigating

Trying to look at a map

Or a dictionary for information

But there is burn marks on

Important turns or streets

Pages ripped out

And only left with a ghost

Bare bones of what's meant to be written

Difficult in communicating

With therapists- nurses-social workers

With family and friends

Shuddering- mind shutting down

To prevent from melt downs

Self coping mechanism

Released in waves of uncontrollable crying

Or anger

Screaming why

Or writing in the middle of the night

Wishing for a different past

A different outcome

Internal compass

Please guide me once more

Next time.

I'll listen.