Traits

I can’t breathe in deeply

enough,

suffered and worried through

so many sleepless nights

and all for what?

-

Still struggling to step outside, paranoid, feeling like

burning eyes pry upon, then prepare to prey upon

this broken body.

-

Double checking

street corners and nearby pockets

- just in case —

a trait I learned

young but

still far too late.

-

A day spent in bed, only

feeling my body quake,

spoken words mean nothing, they can’t

hear me through the shakes.

-

Blinds drawn and quartered, mirror

smashed or just distorted,

books burnt rather than ordered

but I won’t speak of

that disorder.

-

Too afraid to lose the time that I carved out for some peace

mumbling about how I feel my whole world slowly

crumbling.

-

Powerless to watch it disappear,

the fear

holding me down.

-

I don’t sleep at night these days,

I get under covers, feel anything but warmth,

feel my vision shift outside my body

and watch that old thing drown.