Toxic Doll
Music and Lyrics by Sara Wilson
It takes real resilience to keep creating and putting your art into the world when someone is viciously trying to dim your light. I have no intention of stopping. I will keep on writing, working on my music, making videos, and refining my craft through every bit of the noise because I'm dedicated and unstoppable.
Years of bullying, (starting within my own family) forced me to learn how to survive and build armor around myself. Vocal has helped me find my voice and offered me the space to do it. That lifetime of processing is what inspired me to write my song Toxic Doll.
It's surreal how history repeats itself... when someone's struggling with envy and watching others win, (especially back to back victories like two recent top stories and a spot on the leaderboard) it can trigger a massive blow to their ego. Instead of doing hard work to improve themselves, bullies take the cheap, easy route of trying to drag you down to their level so your achievements don't feel so threatening to them.
They think they're the first to try to break me, but I’ve been breaking free from toxic control my whole life.
This track is one of the very first songs I wrote for my upcoming music album (which is still an enormous work in progress and will not be out anytime soon). As I continue to heal and level up, my music is constantly evolving. So, whether this specific track makes the final album cut or stands as a raw marker of my journey, I wanted to share it right now. It's proof that every attempt to destroy me only fuels my evolution.
To anyone waiting for me to fade out, stop writing, stop singing, stop winning, or stop using my voice... stay mad.
I’m not going anywhere.
Sara Wilson- Toxic Doll
They push me hard beyond my line
their words cut deep. They sting.
and when I rise and stand my ground
I'm labeled 'toxic' the angry thing...
when they are wrong, excuses flow
my voice is stripped away
My feelings crushed, dismissed as dust
like they were never mine to say
I question every burden
The weight I'm forced to hold
If mercy makes me weak
Or if healing makes me cold
-Chorus-
I'm not your toxic doll anymore
no more shrinking on your sugar coated floor
You painted me as poison just for speaking honestly
But I won't sip your silence like it's sweet
I'm done pretending I'm a secret you can keep
I'm not your toxic doll
I'm finally breaking free.
-
I won't disguise the scars I hold
They nearly broke my frame
I'd rather speak the truth out loud
than sit quietly in shame
Concealment never heals a wound
it festers in the dark
but owning pain has made me strong
reignited my shattered spark
I'm done with shrinking smaller
to make your comfort stay
If honesty is dangerous
I'll say it anyway
-Chorus-
I'm not your toxic doll anymore
no more shrinking on your sugar coated floor
You painted me as poison just for speaking honestly
But I won't sip your silence like it's sweet
I'm done pretending I'm a secret you can keep
I'm not your toxic doll
I'm finally breaking free.
-
I stand here without a mask
My past carved into my skin
I learned. I burned. I rose again
and I won't fade like I once did
Your demons cannot claim me
your judgment cannot chain me
I'm stepping from the fire
finally unafraid
-Chorus-
I'm not your toxic doll anymore
no more shrinking on your sugar coated floor
You painted me as poison just for speaking honestly
But I won't sip your silence like it's sweet
I'm done pretending I'm a secret you can keep
I'm not your toxic doll
I'm finally breaking free.
-
So wind me up one final time
watch the gears all realign
the girl you tried to twist apart
has stitched a stronger, stranger heart
Your labels fall like glitter dust
they never held the weight you trust
I'm dancing out of reach tonight
Another ghost who found the light
No more masks glued onto me
No more roles I have to play
If calling me toxic made you feel safe...
Then let me drift that way
Because I'm softer than your cruelty
and sharper than your blade
A darling little nightmare
who finally knows her name
About the Creator
Sara Wilson
I love Ugly Things.
I try and be active AND interactive.
I write... whatever I feel.
Sometimes it's happy.. sometimes it isn't. But it's real. And it's me.
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