It's been three weeks since the last time I wrote. So much for remaining consistent, I know. I know that procrastination is only an obstacle in the way. A thick wall that I've climbed so many times that I'm surprised I hadn't conquered it by today.
These pages have remained empty without even the slightest stroke of my pen. And maybe it's the fear and doubt that keep me from completing even the simplest of assignments and better yet, where do I begin? Where do I begin?
It's these questions on my mind that stifle the progression of the right words that are already so hard to find. I've got a habit of undermining myself and overthinking so maybe that's the reason for my current state of being.
A dilemma that I have found, is there any way to write without seriously breaking down? Because I haven't found an easier way to let these words out.
As you can see, this really has a way of provoking me but knowingly, I couldn't give it up if I tried. When these words don't come easily for me, it's like pulling teeth every time. I fight to memorize for a chance to speak and I find that even if I'm the only one who stands in my way. It's me against myself before anyone else has a chance to criticize what I have to say.
Sometimes my mind is a barricade that this muse can’t penetrate, distraction after distraction keeps me from what I need to create. In order to get it done, maybe I should turn off this phone so I don't waste another minute of coming undone and feeling like a failure.
I'm losing sleep, running helter-skelter. When lying, I lie restless in my domestic shelter but this is only the inception of what it takes to really craft something that will be able to survive longer when your last day has come to pass. At least it is for me.
It's known that "without vision the people perish" but for too long I’ve been misdirected. So it’s time to realign myself with a bolder message and get back to the basics where I didn’t have anything to lose but my patience. I cannot believe I’m still here saying this but more surprised than me are those who refused to believe in what I could achieve using only my ability to speak.
So like a match lit from my lips, I have used these words as torches to pierce through the dense smog of incoherence and ignorance. A beacon in the dead of night while the captains of these ships struggled to find their way. I have witnessed these words act as a lighthouse to help guide those wandering, weary souls to bay.
And if by some chance, I have given you a sense of hope, rest assure that I will continue to do so. Though disconsolate, you may seem to feel. Raise your voice when you are afraid and show fear that you're not intimidated to stand in its face, feet planted and eyes locked in such a gaze that will be sure to drive those same cowardice fears away.
And now make your way to the stage with butterflies in your stomach, gut-wrenching like you're about to vomit. Taking the focus off your trembling knees and someone you may not know is depending on you to be the light in their time of need.
So don't let it be doused, don't be the one to put your own light out. In fact, you should ignite like a spark in an enormous forest during a drought in the middle of August. You are a juggernaut so remain impervious by your nervousness and in learning this, you can become worriless when tempted to spew anything less than glorious. In such a cold and dark world, may your words be torches.