They took you from me today.
They stole my Blue.
Placed me in this grey.
All my colors have faded.
I can't sleep.
I can't function without you.
Tossing and turning.
My minds aflutter.
These sheets are not soft.
They are fucking burning my skin.
I run for hours to find you.
Like a dog I follow your scent.
Desperately trying to hold on to what's left of me.
I'm not used to being out here without you.
Surviving without you fucking sucks.
I'm not sure if I can.
I know I sure the hell don't want to.
I take back all of my nastiness.
My relentless badgering.
So very sorry.
"Where are you?"
There is so much I need to tell you.
So much to share with you baby.
I need to feel you feeling me in some kind of way.
I'm not sure if I can make it through this rotten fucking day.
This rain alone will drown me.
Standing alone, looking around.
Everything is so different here without you.
"Why can't I be there with you?"
My life is now one shade of grey.
There are no colors, they have taken all of them away.
They replaced it with this layer of filth I'm not able to see when you're beside me.
These bad ideas they placed inside my head.
They put them there to try to destroy me.
"Do you remember what they said?"
They wished me dead, that's when they granted me the color red.
They know that taking away my Blue just about killed me.
There are no more butterflies in my stomach.
The eggs they laid here now are hatching.
I can feel their shells cracking.
Ripping me apart inside out.
These fireflies are eating me whole.
"Tell me, baby, where do you want me to go?"
I'm so very lost without you.
They have distorted all my reasoning.
They have blurred my vision.
And I think I am bleeding out.
I press further, but this lucid dream has me paralyzed.
My legs are engorged.
All I see is red.
The apple tree is bearing fruit.
It was a twig when we walked past yesterday.
"That was too fast," I say out loud for them to hear me.
"Will it all pass fast like that?"
...seems like just yesterday...
I don't like it here anymore.
There's no color here without you.
You are my Blue.
You lavish me with gold and silver.
I miss your hands upon my face.
Exploring my moods.
I miss your hands upon my breasts,
Taking me all in, making me Blue too.
"Where are you now?"
"Why did they do this again?"
They came through my mind like cattle.
Like wild horses fighting for position.
You protected me and they stole my colors.
They stole my light.
Shut me down, lock and key.
"I will hold you again!" I am screaming outside your window.
"You just wait and see."
This is what I'm telling them.
I know you know that I am standing here, I am just below your window.
"Can you see me?"
I can't see in.
I'm the one in grey.
See all my Blue is gone.
And I'm as lonely as can be.
I take it all back.
"I'm sorry for the misery, for the pain."
I'm on my knees, I'm crying once again.
Laying here in filth, laying in the rain.
"No, I won't move!" I shout out to them.
"Can't they see I can't?"
"Why don't they understand?"
I am screaming at the top of my lungs.
I have to believe that you can hear me.
It makes me pray more.
Promise to appreciate more.
I'm going to close my eyes and hold my breath until you come back.
"No, I won't go home! I'm waiting right here below his window, if that's okay with you?"
I am shouting this to a brick building.
I know you are inside.
And I know you know I'm here.
I can't do it without you.
I refuse to try.
"Give me back my Blue," I'm screaming so loud, so hard it hurts.
It's going to hurt for a long while.
They took away my rainbow and gave me grey.
They took away my fields of wildflowers and gave me nothing but weeds.
I touch the twigs and they are brittle.
Snapping in my hands, they begin to break.
Looking down at my legs I grow concerned.
They are black and rotting.
Instead they kill me slowly, by taking away my Blue.
So, no I refuse to go.
I am counting the stars in sky, I'm waiting.
And this helps me pass the time.
The only color I will ever need is Blue.
So now I wait.
And I'm waiting right here until the apple tree bears fruit.