To Tired To Try

So. I've come to a decision.

I'm not good enough to continue.

And even though I try...I'm not improving.

Running out of things to say.

Too many things to do in my day.

No time or passion anymore.

This has been a theme all of my life.

Not good enough, not strong enough, can't improve enough.

Not smart enough or interesting enough.

Not white enough not colored enough to be welcome anywhere.

Not pretty or skinny enough to be associated with it.

I've always just been... not enough.

And I'm really exhausted from trying to be enough in SOME way.

All I wanted was to be good in one way.

My "not enoughness" carries into EVERYTHING I do.

Writing not powerful enough or interesting enough.

Not patient or understanding enough.

If I had money, I could help myself a bit more.

The "success" that I don't even know how to define anymore,

I can't buy it, I'd never be able to afford it.

I'll finish posting my book.

Or maybe I won't.

I guess we'll see how I feel in a week.

But writing articles? And stories?

Why the hell should I think people care?

What have I said that a million people haven't?

Nothing. I'm not that original.

Makes sense.

I hate humanity too much to care about it to write inspiring stories.

Humanity is hubris, driveling sniveling and whining about 'injustices.'

Makes me laugh when I hear people talk about how things aren't 'fair.'

They read more fairytales than I did as a kid, obviously.

This world isn't fair.

And if you aren't enough - then you are no one.

It doesn't matter who you are or what you look like.

I hate myself too much to write fake stories anymore.

Why should I write stories when nobody needs new stories?

They're gone anyway. They left me a long time ago.

Life is feeling really empty for me.

So there's nothing left to say.

I take care of my kids and that's... all I am good at.

So I'll get a night job. So I can actually be useful to my family.

And do what I deserve to do since I'm not good enough for anything else...

and fade into nothingness and the monotony.

And stop telling myself that one day...I will be someone.

I'll always be what I am - which is worthless.

Always have been worthless.

No matter how hard I tried.

I'm only just tired enough now to face that.

I think it'll be okay if I amount to nothing.

It's the way life is.

We're all nothing.

I might be back every now and then.

Because I can still read and encourage my favorite people.

A supporting role.

It's what I was born for.

So I love you all and to all farewell!

I'll see you in your comments section.