To the Walmart Cashier in charge of self checkout

I’m not stealing anything, I have enough money to purchase this mesh laundry bag, extra strength glue stick, and XActo knife. I know, you see me fidgeting, fumbling around. But I have no intentions of thievery. My intentions are far worse you see. Well maybe not to you, but to me. Detrimental to my very being. See, right now a battle is raging in my head. Bullets and grenades shot and thrown from each side of my mind. The trenches filled with the corpses both positivity and negativity. When I placed this knife into my cart, there were no ill thoughts in my heart. But as I began the journey to this line, the devil crept into my mind. He’s daring me to buy this thing. This knife in my hand, its perfect blade. He’s reminding me of older days, showing me similarities. To me, this knife takes after razor blades. And I have no intentions of harming myself, but with this knife upon my shelf the possibility gets a bit more concrete. One of these days when the devil comes before me, I might just be right on the edge of where he wants me and do this thing. And take this blade from where I’ve left it, bring it to my bed, my desk or my closet. And let the devil run his course. Or I might not, but I’m not sure. I think this is what scares me more. So no I’m not stealing, I promise, I’m just raging wars inside my head. Setting this knife down on this shelf. That’s not my shelf. To eliminate this feeling of doubt. Purchasing this mesh laundry bag and then leaving. And I should be proud. But I’m not.