You were older than I,
But for once
I didn’t mind.
I liked
Growing up with you
You were like
A real brother
Did they feed you,
Those mornings I wasn’t there?
I always assumed they didn’t, and
Shoveled an extra scoop into your bowl.
We both perked up at the sound
Of the metallic
Pitter
Patter
The kibble hitting the bottom of
Your metal bowl
To this day
I love
The smell of dog food
It makes me feel
Like a letter,
Incased in white envelope
No risk of falling away
You were the first
Boy I could ever trust
Spilling my secrets to you as
We shared our mornings together
In that
Cold
Empty
Garage.
I never had to flinch around you
You couldn’t call a lawyer
No,
Wouldn’t
Did you understand back then
How much you meant?
Your eyes, so alert
Gazed into mine
After you were finished eating
Always begging for more
We both wanted more,
Didn’t we?
More love
More food
More companionship
Only You heard
How unhappy I was
But did you even understand
The words I choked on?
Unable to admit them to
Anybody else.
You didn’t know my words
But
You knew the feelings
Duke.
Funny, isn’t it?
We lived our lives
Duking it out inside of our own minds
Every
Goddamn
Day.
Every day was a fight
Just to survive.
Don’t be too needy.
Stay out of their way.
Don’t be too loud.
Just count down the days
I’m sorry
I wasn’t there to save you
Or even say farewell
All it took to tear us
Apart
Was a Small bump
In the cul-de-sac
I screamed when he told me
Wishing I could hit that woman
Like she had hit you
We still share our moments in that
Shithole garage
You sit on a wooden shelf
As forgotten in death
As you were in life
I won’t forget you.
You were the best boy.
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