To Only Live For Myself From Now On

To Only Live For Myself From Now On

I have to cook & clean & be pretty & feminine & stylish & smart & strong, but not too strong—

And I have to have a nice body & be well-groomed & show it off, but not too much because then I AM the one causing temptation and that’s just rude of me, especially if I’m not going to give it up to you—

So, I better dress accordingly to what I’m willing to give and not cause any miscommunications & upset you.

Then, I must pay for Therapy because previous men have fucked me up, and I am not your problem or your responsibility, I am my own and I gotta get my shit together so that I don’t interrupt your time or your life—

But sex comes without stress or problems so we might as well engage in that part of the relationship because it’s—what—connects—us.

So, here’s my body, & I must deal with either being pregnant, stressing about not getting pregnant, or fucking up my body & emotions from birth-control to not get pregnant, all for the sake of you enjoying my body for yourself even if my mental & emotional state is unhappy, & even if my body isn’t fully sexy enough for you and though there are things you’d like changed about it—

So, then I must pay for my body to be pretty enough for you to find it fully attractive because what I’m already doing isn’t enough.

And with all of that I have to always be happy & positive & wise & in control of my triggers & anger & sadness & actions—

And I must have my own hobbies & finances & passions & life, while also being available to be attentive to you when you need it and in the way you are in need of it for the sake of putting effort into holding this relationship—

And also I must know how to be enough for you, but not too much where it overwhelms you—

And to top it all off I must do all of this while also being seen as crazy & dramatic & “in need of help”—but not help from you but from a real professional, because Your happiness is being affected by the way that I behave—

Because my venting & crying & communicating & wanting anything at all is drama & wasted time & lack of self-control & lack of mental maturity & it’s the part of me that needs that suggested ‘professional help’ because if I were to just stay silent then everything would be okay—

But I am not silent, so I need to handle—it—on—my—own… but also… be available when you want me—

And I must be in the mental & physical & emotional state that you desire so that I am not left by you once again.