To My Anxious Demon

anxiety, come on man, you’re killing. always dragging me down to a stupid low level. anxiety, come on, seriously, i’m so tired, can’t you just let me sleep for even ten minutes? anxiety, please, i will do anything if you would just slow my brain down for just a few minutes. seriously, can i just have five minutes without you whispering those dark, sweet nothings into my ear?

anxiety quit buzzing in my ear when i’m trying to fall asleep. i know my alarms are on, i know they will go off in the morning. i know that i will have enough time to get ready so i won’t miss the bus. i know that my phone is in fact charging right now. and yet here you are still buzzing away in my ear. you’re like an annoying bee or saw or something stuck in my ear.

anxiety you keep suffocating me. suffocating. suffocating. suffocating. no anxiety quit fucking trying to drown me. there’s no water anywhere, how am I drowning.

what if there’s no more air

what if i accidentally step in front of a car?

what if i accidentally bump the wrong person when my mind is whirling?

what if my alarm doesn’t go off?

if i miss the bus

what if i forget my computer?

did i do all my homework?

is there something i’m missing?

did i imagine that happening?

what if my phone dies?

what if i can’t get home?

what if someone tries to talk to me?

what if i choke when no one’s around?

what if i pass out and no one finds me for a really long time

what if i fall down the stairs?

what if

what if

what… if

please anxiety, darling can you just slow down for just a second?

let me catch my breath

i don’t want to keep suffocating.