To Be or To Die Trying?

sometimes there is so much going on

so much life

that I forget to live

the appointments, the shopping,

the classes (unstopping),

the playdates, the cleaning,

the crafts, the eating,

the workbooks, the boardgames,

the cooking, straightening frames,

the “necessary” exercise (I swear it kills me sometimes),

the hygiene,

the caffeine,

all to helps with the caregiving,

the emotional lessons, the breakdowns, and breakthroughs

it’s all just happening

constantly.

I schedule in my breaks,

plan my “relaxation”

just going along mindlessly

with my shallow breathing

and my perspiration

my idle thoughts running

hurry up and calm down

unable to remember the last time I got to just…

BE.

be without expectations

and deadlines

and the rushing and the panic and the

i m p e n d i n g d o o m

sick of needing to be somewhere

do something

act a certain way

AT ALL TIMES

When do I get the time to just be me?

When will I allow myself to have that?

Why haven’t I yet?

Am I running away from me?