Tired

Have I changed?

No, no I haven't changed...

Then why?

Why do I go from crying

To happy

To crying once more.

So far away from each other I do not understand...

Why do I do this to myself?

I cry

Then I'm happy

Then I cry once more.

Why?

Why is it that I solve my problem,

And then go running back?

Back through the dark woods that never scared me,

Back through the eerie, ripping sounds of lonely cries,

Back through the heart wrenching memories,

Just to be brought back here.

Here where I only know.

I cry,

Then I'm happy,

Then I cry again.

A vicious cycle...

Where I am lost.

But at the same time, I am found.

Found and welcomed like an old friend

To a darkness that cradles me

And reminds me how I need it more than it needs me.

I beg for it to come closer

I beg for it to never leave

Like everything else...

I beg for it to never be like happiness is,

Because happiness comes and goes

But the darkness is here forever.

Why do we do this?

Why do I do this?

I cry,

Then I'm happy,

Then I cry once more,

And I am home,

In an empty home,

That is dark and breaking,

But it is all I know.