Three, Two, One
Sometimes it only takes a few reasons to stay alive.
Three things you see.
I see the failure I have become,
represented in the textbooks
I have failed to open in months.
I see the hopes and dreams
held since I was a child
slowly seem more
and more
out of reach.
I see the disappointment
I have become
represented in the thin smiles
of those surrounding me.
Three things you hear.
I hear the voices in my head
One telling me to give up.
One telling me to not write this poem.
Another telling me there's no point
to any of this.
Three things you feel.
I feel an overwhelming sense of loneliness
that hasn't lifted in months.
I am smothered by the emptiness
that takes up the space
once occupied by my soul.
I am suffocating with the inadequacy
that recently has plagued
my every action.
Two things you see.
I see constant reminders
of all that is bad in the world
and of all the bad that has happened
in my life.
Yet I also see reminders
of why I've chosen to prolong my life,
such as the crisp smell
of Autumn air
or the stars complementing the night sky
that I would miss if I were
to leave.
Two things you hear.
I hear the laughter of my friends
and hold on to the hope
that one day my laughter
will be as genuine
as theirs.
I hear them talk about their plans for the future
and it makes me think
of what I would envision
my future to be like.
Two things I feel.
I feel a slight sense
that my future is not
doomed like I once thought.
I feel the motivation
to change the trajectory
I believed was set in stone.
One thing I see.
I see a slight glimmer of hope.
One thing I hear.
I notice lulls in my negative thoughts
replaced with the whispering
of a voice
telling me to please keep trying.
One thing I feel.
I feel like maybe
just maybe
I will thank myself for staying alive.
And in this moment
that is all I need.
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