Three Selfish Wishes

three selfish wishes

three selfish wishes is all i need

first, i wish to see what others see

everyone says i look beautiful

pretty

adorable

i remember when i replied back to my great aunt a "no", she had gotten upset and just told me "just say, 'okay aunt fran'"

which frustrated me.

my reply to a comment about MY body shouldn't have to dial down to an "ok"

i am not a recorded messaging system

second

i wish to be a healthy weight...

i look in the mirror, the fat on my arms and have the desire to treat my skin like playdough and pull it off bit by bit

i lay on my back in bed and see what my stomach could look like if i didn't binge eat or not eat at all

my legs stay stuck together sliding against each other that the denim of my jeans can be heard a mile away

my fat fingers that make my friends' hands look so small

third

i wish for someone to love the mess that i am

but they need to understand that there are moments when messes needed to be cleaned up by the host

i want to feel arms around my torso and a gentle squeeze and kiss goodnight.

i just want...someone who will drop what they're doing and take a second to look me dead in the eyes and tell me that i'm not okay

i want someone to know the little things about me...

three selfish wishes

that's all i ask