Thoughts after you

July 09th, 2025

What have I have been thinking about....?

That I miss you. Quietly. It's been nearly seven months since you've been gone and the cold that seeps into my bones... into my very soul... it is just unbearable.

I smile at the right times. Do my best to engage and seem as present as possible. But even after all that effort and those theatrics... you are still gone.

Now I just count days. Days that seem both incredibly short and impossibly endless in your absence.

I miss you quietly, cry quietly, and wait quietly.

Does anyone ever notice how all I ever do now is count time? Can they see through it? I know no one ever hears my cries or my broken heart.

I wonder, can you hear me from where you're at?

July 10th, 2025

The fan clacks. The clock ticks

I took off my sweater, it's 90 degrees. Too hot for long sleeves. Somehow I am cold.

I put it back on, and now I am hot. Perhaps it's the other two shirts I have on...

Perhaps it's the fact that I find no comfort, no respite.

The fan clacks. The AC hums. The day passes by slow.

In one day, it will be seven months since you've been gone...

Time has flown by, yet it has gone slow.

You will never come back.

I can't tell. How much longer?

How many more clacks and ticks and hums?

Each one a when, when, when, when....

When can I....

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