This Is Just Before…

i don’t know how to do this

or if i even have the guts

i gotta do something soon

cause i'm driving me nuts

i gotta make a clean break

i gotta tell you something soon

tell it to you like it has to be told

a sad song without a tune

i gotta make a clean break

and here's me

dragging it out

a little longer

those heady visceral thrills, they haven’t died

in fact, they're getting stronger

but i know deep inside

that this

parting

is for the best

that’s why i know

its gonna hurt

its gonna rip me up

and now is the time

i wanna run

i wanna run

i wanna run and hide

i feel it start to slide

i can feel it deep inside

an angsty gut dropping ride

this is the tears that dried

in the very places they fell

unbidden

unhidden

this is that punch in the gut

you weren't expecting

it only feels like

it’s the end of the world 

this is sentences not finished

embryonic words of hope

left half formed

on the tongue

in the air

this is embrace interrupted 

savouring your warmth

one last precious time

not wanting to let you go

almost scared to let it show

tell myself you have to know

hoping you can feel my glow

so i can say i told you so

i’ve fallen in love with you

a little, LIES, a lot

i’ve bitten off more than i can chew

and in my haste to avoid a lonely waste

i neglected how it affected

and would ultimately impact you

..//..

I put my hands in my pockets and ever so slowly turn away and start to walk off. I resist the urge to look back at you over my shoulder, this will be the hardest thing i’ve ever done. It’s not because I don’t want to, it’s just that I know that if I see your face again it would break me completely. I hunch my shoulders and walk away from the best and the worst thing in my world

..\\..

this is just before it starts to hurt

this is where the smiles are bitter-sweet 

this is when simple words are not enough

this is drizzled misery with a backbeat

this is just before it starts to hurt

this is where it starts to feel

this is when you really know

this is how much of it is real

this is just before it starts to hurt

this is where you watch me walk away

this is when i tell myself

this how it has to be today

this is just before it starts to hurt

this is where it's hard to adequately explain 

this is where the calm becomes the storm

this is just before all the pain