This Doesn’t Happen To Me

Happiness is terrifying

Is this how some people feel?

Aren’t they scared of losing it?

This is all too real

My smile is not dying

A part of me knows it will

I’m trying to cherish the moment

Without hearing the devil in my ear

But he is so loud

How do I just let it be?

He wants me to know

That this doesn’t happen to me

Or rather that it never stays

It’s always feel his wrath

Or numb the pain

But I’ve been numb for so long he should be proud of me

Let me have this

Let me want to be alive

Let me have hope

Let me not want to die

He says no

And the back of my head listens

My euphoria will always have anxiety

So I’ll keep it at a distance

But I don’t want to

I want it to consume me

I want the devil off my shoulder

I want to feel like I’m allowed to feel glee

That I deserve it

Because I do

But he says that’s not true

How do I shut him up?

“You’re not worthy”

“You know this won’t last”

“This is all temporary”

“It’s all in your head”

Well, I guess I’ll see

Because he is right

This doesn’t happen to me..

because my angel stays in the silence I so desperately need