Things You Can't Say Out Loud

I never believed in you.

I kept you quiet, kept you small,

convinced you that shrinking

was honour

and beautiful

and true.

You sat silent,

softly still,

as weaker men wrote stronger laws.

You smiled sweet when rage should rise,

let others claim what should be yours.

And I held you there,

with bated breath, I held you there.

Waiting on permission

to embark on a mission

to save those who needed saving.

I wanted to love you.

God, I tried.

But I hated how you bowed your head,

For everything you should've said.

You said nothing?

You were soft hands in a world of steel,

And I strangled you with softness,

I caged you in apologies,

and we'd default to freeze.

But you said N O T H I N G??

I pitied you,

and passed you by,

pressed you down beneath the tide,

betrayed you by believing lies.

I whispered when I was afraid inside.

- - -

But you made it easy, didn’t you?

You craved comfort,

and quiet praise,

called it kindness,

and gentle grace.

You were a coward dressed in virtue.

'Cos you watched wicked men take your share,

pretending you were unaware,

let them sharpen hunger’s blade,

and cut up the corpse

of dead men dying.

You said nothing.

I could have forgiven fear,

but not surrender.

You smiled as they carved the world cruel;

White flag.

No name.

Nothing.

You should have stood,

you should have fought,

should have hungered,

should have sought,

to find the words,

to find the power.

And now it's too late.

- - -

No more.

I won’t play nice

while others play god.

I won’t keep my hands clean

while theirs drip

with blood.

Now it's a mission.

A crusade.

You're gone,

torn from my flesh.

I shed you now.

But I’ll carry your softness

like a totem.

A salve

for the wounds still to come,

for moments

when mercy

outweighs wrath.

You were good,

but good’s not enough.

The world needs edge

and mercy

and love.

Rest easy, old friend.

I’ll take it from here.

I will stand

and be seen

and be heard.

And I,

I will lead.