There's a Mess Inside My Head

There’s a mess inside my head

And I’m not sure what it represents

Is it a life of tests;

Of things I have to guess?

Of not knowing where i’m going

Of feeling stuck yet roaming around

In circles and lines

Being caught in the vines

Of my life

And being unable to free myself

And realizing that crazy truth

And longing for my youth

When nothing mattered

But going to school and doing my homework

Longing for that simplicity

And the ability

To curl up on the couch

And tell my mother what is wrong

Is it wrong

To want to be a child again

To escape the hurt and pain

The tightening fear in my chest

That doesn’t let me rest

But keeps me awake and paralyzed

As the demons in my mind

Become shadows in my house

And I cry out silently

Wanting someone to hear me

But still afraid of the vulnerability

Of being exposed

Of admitting aloud that I’m afraid

And making it true

So I’ll let it melt away

Inside disposable tissues