Their Canvas

When I was to be made,

I was a blank canvas-

It's true.

When asking the doctors,

They said I would be two-

Both blue.

But I disagreed,

And proved that to you.

-

Within a few weeks,

Two became one.

But that didn't end here,

No,

The story's not done.

After this whole ordeal,

You didn't want to know

My flavor of bun.

But the joke was on you,

For this,

I had won.

*

You picked out some names

As you picked out some paint,

But when somebody asked,

I chose my fate.

The name that slipped out

Wasn't one on your list.

Didn't matter to me,

That I threw you a twist.

*

So you painted me pink

Due to lack of a dink.

Someone even said

I came out with a wink.

If only people knew then,

To stop

And to think.

*

So you spelled my name neutral

To fit with the theme

And shortened it more

To feminize me.

This worked for awhile

Before I had words

To describe the things

That made me feel worse.

*

I learned to hate my color,

The paint that coated me.

I began to look at another,

If blue would satisfy me.

Very quickly I knew

That this wasn't right.

Oh why couldn't I go

Back to being white?

*

So I tried to layer black

Over the pink that shone through.

Always wishing for something

I knew I couldn't do.

Oh, to be white

Or purple

Or yellow.

All these feelings inside,

I just wanted to bellow.

*

It wasn't until

A few decades had past

That I finally knew

This lie couldn't last.

I walked across the graduation stage

With rainbows at my shoulder blades,

But those weren't my true colors.

I was left,

Still to wonder.

*

A few days had passed,

Now a time for lavender.

We sat around

Smiling, with laughter.

Then someone asked me something

In the midst of the chatter.

What name should I use,

Do I really get to choose?

This isn't a game,

I really can choose my fate?

*

So simple,

So calm,

You ripped apart the walls

That locked Me inside.

Finally,

I could decide

That the paint on my skin

Didn't have to feel like sin.

I could finally be free,

And life life like Me.

*

So I went to the store;

I picked some things out.

I looked in the mirror;

I started to shout

Out in Joy!

Oh! Look just there!

You can't even tell!

The pink I was painted,

This layer hid it so well!

*

Now my canvas is different,

Coated in black, yellow, purple, and white.

Sometimes if I look too close,

It gives me a fright

That the pink could leak through.

It doesn't feel that way with blue.

No, that's still not right I think-

But at least it's not pink.

*

It took time to come out to you,

Since I wasn't sure how you'd do.

I did it in a letter,

As I thought that'd be better.

But it's been a year and a half now,

And you still haven't used the right pronouns.

I'm starting to think

All you'll ever see is the pink

Hidden deep down inside,

And that shatters my pride.

*

All I want is to be seen,

To be heard,

To be loved.

Not as your perception of me,

Or the one you wanted to be,

But who I am inside,

The one I can no longer hide.

I'm nonbinary,

With pronouns they and them.

Maybe one day,

You'll finally see me-

Not as she-

But as Them.

*

So I look at my canvas,

All coated in paint.

I smile,

I laugh,

As I picked out my fate.

No matter what my mother thinks of me,

I'll keep adding my paint

To the walls,

To the skies,

I refuse to hide behind the lies.

For I'm finally free,

To be me-

To be me.

_________________________________________

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