The You Inside Me

You are inside of me,

Your influence wrapped around

My psyche like a vise;

You molded, made

So much of who I am today.

I will never not be

Influenced by you,

And now we barely speak.

So many inside jokes,

shared interests unspoken…

I read some books you loved,

Watched movies and shows,

Played games alone,

And couldn't talk to you

About them.

These thoughts spin around

Inside my head

Unbalanced, ungrounded.

I will never have

That kind of hold

On another person;

First, because I don't want to,

And also, I am not you.

In a way it was love,

But only because I

Wanted so badly to be

Like you,

But without the manipulation,

The criticism, the pretension;

I am the you I wanted to see

In the world

(You always said you loved Gandhi).

It is impossible

To pick apart the parts

Of the fabric

That make up my life,

To excise myself

Of your Voice,

So your song plays on

(a forgotten tab left

Open

In the background)

But I've changed the harmony,

The tone is my own

Enough in a way

That I live on

Without you

Whispering in my ear

Who I ought to be.