The Teddy With The Big Cake

The Teddy With The Big Cake

There was a knock, Low, slow,

Like it did not want to be heard,

But would not leave.

I opened the door,

And there you were,

A big soft teddy,

Filling the whole frame.

Your fur looked tired,

Pressed down in places,

One eye slightly dull,

Like it had watched too long.

In your arms,

You held a big cake,

Too big for you really,

But you would not loosen your grip.

Thick white icing,

Edges cracked and sinking,

As if it had been carried far,

As if it had waited.

I could not speak,

I just stared at it,

At how careful you were,

Like dropping it would break more than cake.

You stepped inside,

Slow, heavy,

Each step placed down gently,

Like you knew the room already hurt.

I moved out of your way,

Without thinking,

Watching you carry that big cake,

Across a space that felt empty.

You set it down,

On the old table,

The one that does not get used now,

The one that holds too much.

Your paws stayed there a moment,

Flat against the box,

Like you were steadying it,

Or steadying yourself.

Then you turned to me,

And opened your arms,

Wide, soft,

Certain in a quiet way.

I went into you,

Before I could stop it,

Pressed into that worn fur,

Into something that did not judge.

You held me,

And I felt it then,

Not comfort, not quite,

But something close enough to hurt.

Behind us,

That big cake sat waiting,

Too much for one person,

Too late for what it was meant for.

When I pulled back,

You did not hold on,

You just stood there,

Still, as when I opened the door.

Then you turned,

And walked back out,

Leaving the door open a crack,

Leaving the weight behind.

Now that big cake stays there,

Untouched,

Too full of something,

I do not know how to face.

And I keep seeing you,

That big soft teddy,

Carrying more than you could hold,

Turning up when it was already ruined.

A child’s imagination,

A party, a late big brother Who didn’t come

me confused upset child, waiting to see him

With memories she wishes she never had.

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