the strange thing about photographing a wedding

the strange thing about photographing a wedding
 is knowing
while everyone else is living the day
i am watching it 
disappear.
the dress hanging in the window
 before there is a body inside it
your mother fastening the last button 
with hands that once 
buttoned your childhood coats
your father seeing you 
and suddenly forgetting
 whatever clever thing
 he meant to say.
click.
keep that.
the nervous hands
the crooked boutonnière
 the friend on the floor
looking for an earring
someone laughing 
in the next room
someone crying 
and insisting 
they are absolutely not crying.

you.
walking toward the person who has somehow become
home.
there are hundreds of people breathing around you
flowers, music, promises
and for one small second
you look at each other
as though there is no one else.
click.
keep that too.
because this is the secret of a wedding day:
the photographs you think you want are rarely the ones you will need.
someday
you will know every word of your vows by heart or perhaps forget them entirely
the flowers will be gone the cake eaten the dress tucked into a box
and the people in these photographs will change.
hair will silver
hands will wrinkle
children not yet imagined will appear in frames of their own.
some chairs around the table will become empty.
and then these photographs will become something else.
your mother's hands will still be fastening that button.
your father will still be looking at you as if he cannot quite understand how all those years fit inside one doorway.
your friends will still be young and ridiculous on the dance floor.
and the person you love will always be standing there
waiting.
perhaps that is why i photograph weddings.
because love is enormous
and somehow it keeps hiding inside very small things:
a thumb brushing away a tear
a forehead against a forehead
two hands beneath a table
the way your grandmother watches you dance
the way you reach for each other without thinking.
these are the things i am looking for.
the evidence.
the tiny pieces of forever nobody knows are forever while they are happening.
so while you are busy getting married
i will stand somewhere nearby
watching the light
watching the hands
watching the people who love you
love you.
and every now and then
when time forgets to keep moving
i will press the shutter
and ask it
just this once
to stay.