The Stories that Don't get Read

My stories don't get read.

Maybe it's all in my head.

I pour in all I have left to give.

Maybe that's not how I should live.

But sometimes it's fun to put my words on a screen;

sometimes it's sad, angry, something in-between.

I tell myself that it's all in good fun

but maybe it's more: a competition to be won.

And maybe that's why it gets in my head

the numbers don't tick up and it fills me with dread.

My stories don't get read.

Maybe it's all in my head.

The problem is I'm not here for the money,

I want to share my ideas, get feedback, be funny.

I spend the rest of my time working so hard

I fear only working has left me quite scarred

With so little time left for fun and game

maybe thats why I seek sometimes to grow fame.

As if that would help free up my time,

but time is too scarce for that kind of climb.

My stories don't get read.

Maybe it's all in my head.

Maybe I'm not worth the attention of you

But you read this story, so that may be untrue.

Author's Note:

No I'm not a fantastic poet but, in my time on this planet I've tried many things that revolve around ones popularity, and the truth of the matter is I'm not popular. I've tried social media, I've tried Youtube, I've tried this, I've tried Twitch. I don't know what I'm doing wrong that makes it so my content just doesn't grow. It it because I'm not spending money? Am I just unlikable? Am I out of touch? I honestly have no idea and I don't get any feedback so I can make changes to improve. All my past "improvements" have been shots in the dark.

Everything I've tried has all been based around things I genuinely enjoy. I used to stream my favorite video games from my childhood so I can share that with people who've maybe never seen that before, or share with other people who have that nostalgia. I organized a Dungeons and Dragons campaign that streamed once a week. I made videos about education, renewable energy, and environmental solutions. I still stream games with my friends on Twitch, and thats okay because they distract from the numbers of it all. I don't even do it for money, I make okay money working long hours in a lab. Maybe that's part of the problem, I don't view it as a business. But I also don't want to view it as a business and those are cold and profit driven. I want to create a warm and welcoming space where people can come, take a break, and just hang out for a while.

It's also frustrating seeing my friends and peers become more successful in their attempts to do the exact same thing I've been trying for years in a matter of weeks or months. I'm happy for them, but there's also some jealousy. Maybe its something out of my control and I just don't have the magic touch or the planets weren't aligned, but it also makes me start questioning everything about myself and makes me think incredibly negatively.

I like to try and end all my stories with some message of positivity. Despite my negative outlook currently my advice will be don't give up. It's something I'm going to remind myself of as well. Don't give up. There are so many other amazing things and this too shall pass. Don't give up.

-L.S.