The stare-off

what do you see?

a boy, a man, androgyne?

he-she, what-she, who-is-she?

too masculine, muscular, brash bitch in your face

tattoos, piercings in all the wrong place

you see it

I didn't brush my hair — you don’t brush a top bun with an undercut

asian, caucasian, eurasian sensation,

persuasion of the gender collective

normality swinging from the skyscrapers to the subway

to confuse the filth out of you, to exercise you

and now the question “what are you?”

is brought to a whole

new

level

inside a closet of button-ups, Blundstones, binders, and boy-briefs,

big brother hand-me-downs? yes, please!

fitted in the finest second-hand selvedge denim

made for comfort, durability, practicality

snapbacks, toques, (bow)-ties optional, of course

I walk this walk, my swagger, my talk,

my drawl, my posture, my body, my chatter,

my dapper, my hafu, my hip-hop happy hipster grunge

and dirt caked all over

to retrace

my care, your scare, daring greatly in this skin

to love thyself, thy true self

in every mindful moment becomes a choice

while slogging through the whispers and the deafening stares

I've shed the longing for the patriarchal saviour who

usurped my power

my voice

my strength

my goddamn(it) right!

no one ever said I couldn’t wear the tall, dark and handsome myself

standing firm for me

and those who come before and after is all you need to see

I see

I see me

this

is me

visceral impulses, interlocking every fibre and cell

rooted in each exhalation to reveal the truth

to uncover and discover and recover from all the lies, hate and fear

I choose the other:

the authenticity and simplicity

I’m not playing around, taking the stage, playing a character in your show

this is not a phase that a second adolescence will take for me to outgrow

indignation, agitation, evocation, transformation

I am not your object

don't even try to surmise that you know me

I will shout it loud and proud:

I’m political and critical

carrying and sharing this atypical

pivotal identity

provoke and stoke the subversive, immersive ambers

stimulate, reactivate your ethical compass

regurgitate the spoon society robotically keeps on stuffing

your foul-mouthed mind

to critique makes you weak

in your language

of confusion

of disgust

of embarrassment

of oppression

you see what you want to see

time to snap out of your fantasy

you don't see me

but I see

I see me