The Smell of Burst Balloons

I don't recall 

how old I was 

Maybe that's a lie 

A clever line I just say 

To sound accidental anecdotal 

nostalgic notation 

-

because 

-

I feel well...I feel so damn old 

-

We all do that, don't we? 

it can't just be me

-

But I recall 

that jolt that rush 

The surge of electricity as

As my hands 

                      grip the rubber

Full of breathy promise,

And I rub the enlarged sphere 

                                                    Against my hair

-

Closing my eyes with pleasure, anticipating 

As the rubber balloon demands

And then after just seconds 

It happens, 

                     gravity defeated 

-

But is it really, 

well no, but to me

A small nipper, knee high to a...

...

You know

-

some kind of miracle, 

of science, 

unseen powers and laws 

dictating 

our movements and life

-

When I was young 

the need to do it always gripped at me

Or, if I'm honest, 

when my height shot up

I still felt that urge, but nothing stays 

The same can't stay the same 

-

I stand 

on any day no particular day

A Tuesday evening. 

A Thursday after dawn. 

Most likely a Saturday...

-

A Saturday after our wedding anniversary

It was twenty-two years to the day

Since those words you say when asked 

-

But in truth again 

-

I don't remember the day 

                                            I remember the smell

-

Of burst balloons

      Of the promise 

balloons offer 

to rekindle something specific 

From my past

And look at those still inflated 

...

Waiting

And take the rubber and rub it 

Against 

my skin 

             my hair 

or at least 

-

At least what's left of it as I chase

That buzz 

                 that lightning bolt charge 

-

But as I desperately

Rub the balloon 

against my old head 

It's never 

Ever

quite the same

-

Like the first time 

you hear that song 

You know the one 

We all have one

Lyrics and melodies 

Echo echo 

echo 

...

In the silence 

We find ourselves in

-

In our heads 

When we need it

But it never sounds the same

-

Still magical, still transformative 

But without that original fire 

-

While everyone goes about their lives

-

I'm just stood there, static 

-

Static 

-

noun 

         definition 

Not moving, 

                    unchanged

-

Static