The Silent days.

I cancelled again today,

My brain is fuzzy.

My body tired

I feel numb

I have nothing to say.

I have a lot of thoughts though

Hanging around

Twisting the mind

Keeping me dark

In my invisible pain.

I was supposed to go

Talk it away.

But my body says no

You have to stay.

It hurts,

I don’t know where

I should try to cry,

load off weight

But no tears come out

There are none left.

Where will I go?

From my invisible jail?

People believe

It’s “La Dolce vita”

every single day

Because I don’t work

Because I still have some aid

and a smaller payday

So it must be a choice

Because there is nothing,

Nothing wrong you see.

“What do you do?”

“Did you finish your house?”

“Did you move in yet?”

No.

No, I haven’t,

because I cannot wake

Don’t you understand

I don’t want this,

I don’t want the morning fog

Or the whole week fog

I don’t want the shaking of my arm

Or the thousand pins in my leg

My eyes are dry, my jaw is tight

The nerves are not delivering

The right messages;

They are confused and lost.

I know I am privileged

Because I have support,

Family and friends.

And most days, it’s okay.

But some days it’s a lot

It is too much to take.

Note: This is about Functional Neurological Disorder... it's not always nice.