The Road Onward.

I’m finding myself at a crossroads of my own personal reinvention and sticking to my list of bold ambitions I crave to accomplish

Endless questions are being projected in my mind ask to how it’s all going to happen yet I don’t want to care

because the important thing is that I’m doing it.

Reversing my decision to never attend college,

the ambition to have my own

apartment that could be closer to my current job,

to write and live the artist’s way

to live how I want to live in my own idealized lifestyle

creating endless product for the world to consume

as an expression of what was going

on within my inner world, sharing stories I’ve enjoyed in private.

Struggling to figure out a balance between all aspects.

The road onward is brighter than the path traveled,

with the sights of “the old” flying past and fleeting, not holding a candle light to what’s ahead.

I just have to keep going, day by day, minute by minute, break by break.

What I pray for is that somehow it all works out for the bigger picture

of wanting a better life than where I am.

May God be of witness as I write this, that I’m not trying to come off as “ungrateful”

but I want to move on from the story of living with my parents because I’m too broke

and scared to actually try embracing the steps ahead up a tortuous mountain

The mountain that might not be as difficult to climb

It only looked as if it was, but isn’t.

I sincerely hope for my future self that’s the case and it’s comforting to have it be the

possibility that plays out in this world, the preferred one.

I’m in a bold stage of “it’s time to move on and do something new”

but I am too afraid to figure out the details or never find them in time.

To my God, I’m not saying I don’t trust or have faith

but I’m worried as to how everything is going to work out.

The path is a little foggy and I can’t see every detail,

perhaps it is by your design that I’m not supposed to.

I just want you to walk with me through the entire process because you know as well as

I do that I’m forever going to be dependent on your voice and grace.

Life is never meant to be played alone.

Life is a confusing puzzle that was never meant to be a piece to work on alone, especially with all of my pieces misplaced

and scattered, trying to figure it all out.

Constantly working the mental obsession of trying to fit it all in but,

just now entering a chapter where I'm getting it all together.

I was completely lost when the pandemic hit and had absolutely no trajectories in life

nor any grounded sense of ambitions or goals to tackle

Before I got close to you, I didn’t see a path forward

illuminated by your light.

I only saw nothing but darkness which only made me more depressed.

Didn’t think life would be so open to me the way it has been.

But to you, I pray with my hopes for a better future

while traveling on the road onward.