The Residence Within
I Am A Good Reason To Stay
The sense of urgency that made me convulse so hard until I became a memory made me feel like a foreigner in my own body, a memory in my own mind,
I sought out on a quest to find my residence, to find this arena that my soul should exist in, to find the area that would not ostracize my spirit,
I searched in love and people for the water that I could not find in myself, I held fast to their tides trying to find my ocean, maybe their sea would eventually pour into my dehydrated river,
I searched in work and riches, maybe if I could climb the highest pyramid, I’d feel like royalty dressed in purple satin waiting for my jester to appease me,
And when I did not find it in any of these places, rage brewed inside me, black coffee as dark as night in the desert.
I grew angry, like a beast who is only labeled a beast because he is big and loud, my slippery survival mode kicked in and I could only fight, be defensive, kick, scream, run.
Until one day, I ran into myself, realized the home I was searching for has always been here, centered in my heart, and running away meant I was running from myself, myself, who I cannot escape, because I should not escape,
because I am the one who will never leave,
I am the one who will give me richness of the soul,
I am the one who will give myself approval and praise,
I am the one who will give myself a hug after a long day, a goodnight kiss, a pep talk, a cup of coffee, rivers that overflow, boundless amounts of love and appreciation,
a good reason to stay.
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