The Quiet Sacrifice

I love you.

Yes, my whole life I was told “I love you,”

but it was never from me.

.

I was always too busy

making sure everyone else was okay,

because I loved them.

.

All I wanted was to escape —

but what I needed was to find me.

.

The pain of my childhood felt unbearable,

so painful that I painted my skin

with bright, straight, deep red lines —

heavy with weight.

.

Anything to make my emotional pain go away.

.

I was very damaged,

and while I am not perfect now,

I am a much healthier version of myself.

.

And now, thinking of that time

brings floods to my eyes.

.

I can still feel her —

I could feel how much she craved to feel wanted,

her prayers to feel loved,

to be someone’s first choice.

.

I feel the pain she felt

the first time she cut herself,

or when she told her to kill herself,

or when he put his hands on her.

.

I remember her desperate cries

for attention wherever she could,

because subconsciously she felt small.

.

How she loved One Direction —

because they gave her so much comfort and joy.

.

How her love for everyone else never faded,

yet her light continued to dim.

.

I’m not that girl anymore —

but I will never forget her.

.

I love her so much,

and she may not have felt it then,

but she does now.

.

We will always be a part of each other —

till the end.