the picture on the wall

A man in black and a woman in white. A bouquet of flowers and the brick wall behind them as the only color offered on this 16x11 picture, framed by some cheap artificial wooden frame, found rightly so in the clearance section of Michael’s. And yet, this wedding day picture is essential to her.

It reminds her of past days, days where she was younger, skinnier, and foolish. It reminds her of the times that she had spent with him before they got married, and the small moments that meant everything to her. When she looks into her own eyes, she can almost see the memories playing out, of countless hours laughing till their stomachs hurt and then awkwardly staring into each other’s eyes, hoping for more but being afraid to make that jump. From the awkward homemade buzzcut that he sports to the bouquet that ended up getting passed to her best friend, everything about that day fills her with happiness.

Or at least it once did. Now a younger (and somehow much wiser) version of herself stares down on her as she goes past the hallway, daily asking the question “what if?”. And in a relationship built on taking a leap together, “what if” can be one of the most dangerous questions to ask.

To him, it’s hard to tell. Maybe age has made him harder, or maybe it is simply the overwhelming feeling of trying to lead a family of 5 through difficult times with no one by his side. Either way, he focuses very little on that picture, only stopping for the random joke or two about how his life could have been very different.

But to the children, it shows that there is no right or wrong answer to happiness. It shows that despite hardships, some people will stay bitter at the world, some will give up, and others will simply bury those emotions under the memory of a time that was better. It shows that sometimes you can love the right person at the right time and sometimes, that love is only meant to last for a limited time. The stars of some lovers are not written forever, and to accept that is a beautiful realization of what fate truly is, simply mankind finding ways to get through sorrow. It tells them that some people will give it all for their children, even if that means giving a part of their identity as the days slowly go by, hoping that the feeling of giving up everyday can be replaced by the pure joy that comes from a child growing into an adult. And while it may not be fair to project the responsibility of her mental well being onto her children, sometimes the thought of some part of herself living on is the only thing that keeps her going.

And so when she takes down the picture to “clean it” (by placing it somewhere in the deep canyons of an overcrowded shed), it tells the children that it’s time to give him a little nudge and to make amends.