The Oath to Resentment

I bandaged my dolls with steady, careful hands in play

And watched television shows where heroes saved the day.

I played with the stethoscopes left on the chair

And pictured myself wearing one in my prayer.

I knew that whatever strife this journey makes,

I would do whatever it takes.

- * -

I happily traded away my youth, friends, and decades of sleep

Buried in textbooks, studying deep.

I survived residency, long tiring years

Motivation fighting through my fears.

Too many painkillers to ease my headaches,

I would do whatever it takes.

- * -

The chart states that I have exactly ten minutes to see

A man with chest pain and high anxiety.

My computer is frozen, the dropdown is stuck,

And his insurance is out of network, fresh out of luck.

I click with my mouse and give it a few shakes.

I would do whatever it takes.

- * -

The ER doors slide back, welcoming a flood.

A mix of complaints, broken bones, and I'm covered in blood.

The wait is long, the beds are low,

One patient at a time, the numbers never plateau.

There is no room for mistakes.

I would do whatever it takes.

- * -

I stitch a jagged hand cut while sirens wail,

The elderly woman is fragile and frail.

An overwhelming exhaustion washes over me

Regret seeps into my veins, my dream degree

Becomes something I resent, my heart breaks.

I would do whatever it takes.

- * -

I cannot stop to hold a hand or offer a comforting sigh,

There are forty people waiting and the clocks are ticking high.

Defeated, I tell my patient her healthcare is denied.

I took an oath by which I must abide.

I sigh and whisper the line as the night shift awakes:

I would do whatever it takes.