The Nothingness

I don't exactly believe in you,

Yet I find myself speaking to the air.

Maybe it's delusional,

Definitely irrational,

But I used to believe that you cared.

/

How you can miss someone

Who never existed in the first place?

Because I don't believe this world

Even deserves any saving grace.

/

How can I feel betrayed

By an imaginary friend?

I feel like all those nights I spent praying

Was just me playing pretend.

I held up my hand

Begging for him to prove he existed.

But I felt only cold air

And the nothingness.

/

They'll call me a fake believer

And deny that I was ever truly saved.

Whatever keeps them tithing,

And their guilty hands writhing,

Filling up the collection plate.

/

How you can read the words every Sunday

And ignore them the other six days?

Your hypocrisy borders on blasphemy

Yet you condemn me to my face.

/

All I've felt was betrayed

By the Christians who swore to be my friends.

I feel like all those days spent repenting

Was just you all playing pretend.

I held out my hands

Begging for you to give your acceptance.

But I felt only cold air, indifference,

And the nothingness.

/

Why don't I believe anymore?

Because you ruined it for me.

Love shouldn't be conditional

On believing in fantasies.