The Night I Almost Killed Myself

The following poem was written after I had spent ten days in a psychiatric facility following a visit to the emergency room three months ago. In reflection, I returned to the seat in my college's library where I, on the night of my admittance, had spent hours cowering in sorrow and fear of myself. This is an account I wrote about that day:

A gun pressed inside of my head

I collapsed inside of my cubicle

Shielded by A-PM and the Faculty Research Suite

My nails blue and jaw locked

Frozen

While shadows crept through my veins

Their wails deafening inside the still silence

My mouth was sewn shut by my own hands

Yet I tried to scream

Something was inside of me

Something was trying to kill me

I called for help

Because I feared for my life

And I escaped.

Still,

I cower in fear.

But I'm alive.