The Music in You

He was on the construction site. It was 101 degrees that day and his only relief from the heat was the iPod in his back pocket and the cheap bottles of water he picked up at the gas station. He kept promising himself that he would would eventually learn this whole "smartphone" thing his wife bought him, but it was his toddler at home that seemed more interested in it. He reminded himself that he really needed to stop calling her his wife, with a stab of pain.

He sat down for a water break and smiled as he thought of his little girl. He wondered if she missed her mother. He wondered if she even remembered her. His water was warm. He threw the bottle towards the garbage can and watched as it hit the ground. Usually, he would care. As his thoughts started to drift away in anger about his hot water, her, with a newly lit cigarette, he was brought back even further by an old familiar song that started playing.

"When I was young I knew everything....."

The song was new when his sister was going into freshman year of high school. He laughs and shakes his head, realizing that none of them really understood the song back then- she just decided that it was "their song" because they were freshman that year.

"What made us think that we were wise and we'd never compromise?"

He was taken back to a night he wanted to forget, but thought about all too often.

"What is up with your sister playing that song over and over, man?" his best friend had not been around all summer. He didn't know about the events that had taken place. He was always oblivious to everything around him.

"It's 'their song'; they're 'the freshman'."

His sister was alone in her room. He knew that she was afraid to go to high school. She was terrified of middle school three years ago. She didn't have friends, as she never found her place in the ranks, and change was just difficult for her. It had only been 5 months since she tried to commit suicide. But at least in high school, they would be together. They would be at the same school this time.

After his friend left, he went down the hall to check in on his sister. He saw her sitting there: motionless and staring at the stereo. Her face red, swollen, with tinges of blue from oxygen deprivation, and stained with tears. The neckline of her shirt was saturated. She could have been a stone statue from one of those art books his girlfriend gave him last week. It was as though she had not moved in hours- somewhere between frozen, lost, and gone. With the remote for the stereo in hand, when the song stopped, she played it again. And again. It was only sign that she was still alive; that she was still existing in this world.

"Dude....you okay?"

"She a punk who rarely ever took advice."

She looked at him only with her eyes, lifted her arm, wiped her nose, and nodded---

He stood there staring, both disgusted and concerned, wondering if she even realized she wiped her nose onto her bare arm.

.....and with the sinking feeling that she was looking through him; not at him.

"Okay then. I'm right there." And as he pointed to the left, he had no hesitation in moving in that direction. He couldn't shake the feeling that something wasn't right. That there was somewhere else he needed to be.

"Now we're guilt stricken sobbing, with our heads on the floor."

He comes back to the present moment. His eyes were tearing up, his heart was racing- he had allowed himself to get too deep in his thoughts again.

He turns off the iPod, looks at his watch, and realizes he is running late.

He was always too late.