The Mother's Grief

Though you are not here, I look for you still.

The longing for the sound of your laugh steals the air from my lungs.

I suffocate in the interim of searching memories for an image of your hands.

Inside the eyes of my mind, I see you there.

Your hair is spun gold.

Your eyes are sky in a perfect world and ocean in dreams of San Juan.

My chest is tight with this fist around my heart.

Fingers clench around and squeeze like teeth of death.

Death.

I am hollow of life but animated with the breath of vengeance for this universe.

I am a marionette with strings in my veins that dance my limbs on a path toward the empty.

Empty future eaten away by your passing; your void in this world is a hole I’ve never seen.

I feel it heavy on my shoulders. I feel its pull.

A black hole of emptiness so imposing it frightens unspeakable horrors.

Even Leviathan cannot escape its horizon.

Once inside it warps you unrecognizably and pulls you in.

Screaming in agony from wake to rest.

From sunshine to moonlight .

I roar at the world, calling your name.

Where are you, now?

With me and not with me.

I feel that piece of my soul calling out for me.

It won’t rest until we’re whole.

I will search a millennium to find you.

I will break this world.

Tear it apart.

Rip the soul of mother nature until she feels my loss.

I can uproot giant redwoods with my bare hands.

Batter mountains with the dead carcasses of ancient timber and roots.

I will find my child and destroy everything in my path.

You cannot hide him from me.

His soul radiates like a beacon.

A colossal light house shining in the window of my broken soul.

Pulsating sounds like a fallout alarm; day and night in my head.

I cry a flood of tears that feel like shards of glass.

I cry, but I am not weak.

I am only a fraction of a soul.

Part of me was stolen and that piece cries out to me.

The vacated space cannot be filled.

It was torn out and the space destroyed.

Nothing can occupy it again.

Not now.

Only when the pieces are reunited and whole again.

I will never stop looking for you.