The Monster

Where to begin;

The internal downfall or

The uplifting of a pained soul.

One story I have lived many,

Yet the other I have only dreamed of.

THE MONSTER.

A sullen and weary being that

Lingers behind every shredded heart,

Spinning mind, and clings to me

With a painful grasp of an already

Heavy chest and tired soul,

Something one would not choose to live out,

But what is there to do when you cannot choose?

When it has been thrust upon you?

Sleep, perhaps.

That is sometimes all you can do.

Although there may be many things to be done and

Work to be finished,

When a pain so deep and everlasting

Weighs so much,

This world is of no use to me,

So the land of dreams is where I abide.

No matter how much I may wish for peace of mind,

Even my dreams aren’t always an escape,

But a plunge even deeper into the depths of my relentless mind,

Where fire burns like ice and

The days and nights that seem so bland

Tear even deeper and

Intensify the already existing

Need for the next damaging substance

That will temporarily lend me some pitiful release and

Tag me out of the ring where

THE MONSTER

Seems to always be three steps ahead of me.

The question that begs for an answer when

Sleep no longer lends its gentle hand,

When the voice on the other side of the office

Seems to become bored of my own

And is no longer a source of help,

But another bill to pay,

When the bottle is empty and the

Mind numbing liquid is gone,

When medication is not an option…

The question that tugs on the end of a

Thin, tearing rope,

Is death.

Is death just as sleep is?

A bargain between a painless rest and

An uncontrollable downpour that

Strikes as hard as it did when I was awake?

Or is it an eternal realm of peace?

One in which I no longer face the wrath of

THE MONSTER'S

cold, strangling hands.

Although death may be the sweet escape

That I’ve been squandering for,

It will never be the right path,

For when I look to the world beyond

THE MONSTER

I see spools that have yet to be unraveled,

Paths that long to be walked on,

And opportunities too great to be missed.

When I look to the world beyond

THE MONSTER,

I see familiar faces and

Faces that are yet to be announced.

I have endured years of

THE MONSTER

That seem to be killing me

From the inside out, and

No matter how much I wish to rid myself

Of its overbearing chains that

Keep me locked away inside of myself,

I will walk on,

I will push forward,

And I will not give up.

Although death may be a joyous end to my own pain,

It would be the beginning of many others.

So I shall find a way,

I will look for the next burst of

Temporary rays of light that scarcely shine through,

And when that light shines through,

I will flourish in it,

For I was not put on this Earth to

Walk straight off it again.

I will flourish in the light

Because there is no telling how long it will last,

There is no way of knowing how

Quickly my skies may turn back to grey,

There is no subtle warning about the next

Crushing weight that

THE MONSTER

May force on down upon my shoulders.

Once

I

danced

with

THE MONSTER,

But now I will do no more than

Walk beside it.