The Mess You Made

I would usually include my authors note at the bottom, but I wanted to leave this one at the very beginning as a sort of disclaimer. If you've never read any of my work, you don't know anything I've gone through with family. What I have shared here is only the smallest glimmer of what I've faced with them. I won't dive into the entirety of why this song was written, I only want to shed a little light on one of the lyrics in particular. "I hope your God can save you." When I say this, people can easily misinterpret it as me denouncing religion. Saying 'your' God instead of God sounds harsh... but the reason I say it directed at this person in particular is because I don't feel that they believe in the same Christian God I do.

They have continuously used their newfound religion to shame others and make themselves appear more holy than anyone around them. They have used the bible as a weapon more times than I can count. They talk badly about people around them and make everyone out to be nothing more than lowly sinners who "need to get right with God" while their sins go ignored and they are eternally forgiven. That kind of behavior disgusts me and makes my skin crawl. It isn't Christian and I get tired of seeing religious people using scripture as a weapon. That's why this line felt like it needed to be included.

This song is very personal to me and it is full of A LOT of rage. It's an angry song and definitely not for everybody. It sounds best when you're wearing headphones (in my opinion). It was written by me from the experiences I lived through and the things I witnessed. I'm not sorry. I needed to release this rage because it's impossible to heal from a snake bite when the venom is still flowing inside of your veins. That's what this is about, sucking the poison out of my life and spitting it out somewhere else.

Also, one of my first attempts at "free verse" poetry/lyrics... just a little side note I wanted to include.

-Sara

The Mess You Made-

You dragged your chaos through my doorway

a plague disguised as family

turned my quiet home into a war zone

left your fingerprints on everything

🐍

I fed your kids, I fed your ego

and you fed rumors to the world

You lit the match inside my ribcage

just to watch me burn down

🐍

You wanted me small

wanted me crawling

wanted me breaking

so you could feel tall

I'm not your fail safe

I'm not your martyr

I'm done taking the fall

🐍

I tried to help you, Sister

but you're a black hole. A disaster.

You flayed my sanctuary open

Just to play the victim after

I hope your God can save you

cuz I'm done gutting my own favor

Go pray to whatever throne you've built

as the walls close in to finish the job

Choke on the silence as you sink out of sight

deep in the throat of the mess you made

🐍

You taught your kids to fear my husband

painted monsters where there were none

You twisted kindness into weapons

and built the gallows from my trust

🐍

You bled me dry, you choked my pulse

You sucked the breath right from my chest

But you'll never bury the truth of it

I know you thrive in the fucking mess

🐍

You starved for control

You prayed for my break down

You wanted my life to rot like your own

I'm not your bottomless well

I'm not your alter of blame

stay the fuck away from my throne

🐍

Your version of Heaven might hear your stories

Maybe someone buys your lies....

Maybe grace will finally find you

in the wreckage of your life

🐍

But I'm not burning for your sins

I'm not bleeding for your name

I hope your God saves you

Cuz I won't play that fucking game

🐍

I tried to help you, Sister

but you're a black hole. A disaster.

You flayed my sanctuary open

Just to play the victim after

I hope your God can save you

cuz I'm done gutting my own favor

Go pray to whatever throne you've built

as the walls close in to finish the job

Choke on the silence as you sink out of sight

deep in the throat of the mess you made

🐍

The mess you made.

🐍