The Mansion Witch

I owned half a mansion, I inherited it from my great grandfather. A witch owned the other half, she got it from her great grandmother. Our great grandparents were briefly married, got divorced, found other people, had children with the other people, but decided to each keep half of the mansion. It made taxes cheaper, even though neither person was a keeper.

During the night, she stayed in her half, I stayed in mine. She tried to fight me while I sat and drank wine.

We each owned half the mansion, but she wanted all. She found goofy buffoons at the mall that could annoy us all.

She rented her rooms to the most annoying people, including clowns from a car and a backwards walking priest from a steeple.

She wanted me out, but I refused to go. When I tried to pass her, she walked really slow.

One of the renters had messy hair and smelled. He yelled whenever anyone went to the bathroom or was out of site. Putting up with him took all my might.

Another knocked on my door all hours of the night. He watched me while I was in the bathroom, which gave me a fright.

The third unlocked my door and smelled me while I was asleep. I woke up to see him lifting my covers to take a peek.

The fourth was a maniac just out of prison. He gave me a massage whenever I made food in my half of the kitchen.

When the room mates didn't work, she bought zoo animals and left them in the kitchen. The maniac from prison ate them and said "they taste just like chicken."

She realized her plan had failed and offered to sell me her half. I said, "sure, once you get rid of the squatters, one is in my bath."

She called the police and had them all moved. I put her money in escrow, and now she is removed.

"The mansion is mine, the mansion is mine," I shouted. I celebrated and partied and invited my whole family. Now my parents, my brother, and my cousins are my room mates, how dandy.