the little girl I used to be

body and spirit separate; relying more on my body than my spirit.

Too afraid to learn how to give myself now what I needed then; An inner child wanders around picking up all those missing pieces I was so sure would never come back.

a kid at heart patiently waiting for me to reclaim those parts of me.

never comfortable in my own skin, never comfortable in my own existence I grew second, third, and fourth skins to hide underneath.

muffled screams bounce around inside, begging to be heard and listened to; my inner child saying they still feel as scared when the anger came out back then perhaps even more now, knowing I could act this way despite knowing how it felt.

My sister's voice rings in my head reminding me the best way to treat people is how we wished to have been treated when we were in their position.

compassion is more rewarding than the powertrip.

most of the time I can only apologize for not being better, too busy focusing on how to keep the punishment going rather than simply learning what moving forward looks like.

will my inner child ever understand how I used this anger to protect us... can she forgive me for causing more fear and panic before relief?

I forget that forgiveness is self-given.