The Hardest Homecoming

(In Loving Memory Of Luis Hernandez)

Imagine if you will taking your spouse or significant other away

At first it was supposed to be for just a few days

But lost in fun and passion you convince them to stay

This is what happened when I took my fiancé to the Bay

I remember it like yesterday

Although it’s about a year and half today

Outside the world was lost to the chaos

Not just the pandemic but the George Floyd Protest had the world seeming crazed

It didn’t matter for us

Although the day did seem to leave us dazed

Seeing businesses closing and boarding up felt like some strange dream

Maybe I should have known time would slow to crawl in moments when your reality and peace are about to fall

I was too busy lost to love and acting like everything was fine

And up until that call it was, for never had our love felt so divine

We were cruising around the beach searching for somewhere to eat

That’s when the call came in

Her hero was gone, a portion of her love, admiration, and joy taken without a sign

Her dad had just passed away

And I couldn’t but help feel some of the blame was mine

They had called the ambulance two times and they said he was fine

Finally he was going to get a ride to the hospital but it was too late

He collapsed on the bed sealing his fate

To this day I know it lurks in our mind what would have happened hasn’t left town

Would it have been enough to save him from reaching those pearly gates

Or would she just have had the blessing to bid him one final farewell

Or would have seeing him pass further have damaged her mind.

It wasn’t just him that died that day for she was gone as well

Lost like a zombie to anger and grief

Paradise turned into hell

Self medicating seemed the only way she would be free

In fact I couldn’t blame her for being mad at me

Two weeks no contact or interaction

I thought our relationship had become a disaster

But then something magical happened

Like in one of my stories I somehow found her again

Dragging her out of the darkest depths of depression

It was through love, patience, perseverance and devotion that I was able to bring her back.

It hasn’t been long, but since I tattooed her name above my heart God seems to have given us a fresh start

Just when I thought she was gone forever

I found her and our life has been better than ever.

Not to say it’s easy though, sometimes it takes effort

For I still understand the gaping wound in her chest

For he father was her best friend

And one of the nicest men you could ever know

And I still carry this guilt like an invisible cross

Crucified by my own regrets sometime my shoulders feel like they are going to burst.

Maybe it’s because we are closer now

I feel every bit of her stress and anxiety

Sometimes it plagues me, but at the end of the day I rather it be pushed on me

Because with everything that happened

She has still been loyal and committed as can be

At nights sometimes she looks at me and says life still doesn’t feel like reality

All I can do is wonder if the blame falls on me

Perhaps if I didn’t take her away reality could be different

And her dad would still be here for her and the rest of the family.